Clever tactics turn the tables on an overconfident seasick sailor
The following is a heartfelt tribute by Allan Bonner to the brave men and women who have served in defence of our freedoms. Written to commemorate Remembrance Day, Bonner’s stories capture moments of courage, sacrifice, and humanity amid the hardships of war. Through these historical snapshots, he honours the legacy of those who fought for peace and the values we cherish, ensuring their contributions will never be forgotten.
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Merchant Mariner Harold Bonner welcomed the new electrician aboard the Norwood Park tanker. Fellow Maritimers usually know or know of each other. Sparks was a distant cousin of a boyhood friend of Harold’s.
Sparks is a name given to all electricians and a good alias for this one: he was avoiding his Nova Scotia hometown because of an altercation with two RCMP officers. To hear Sparks tell the story, he’d taken both on and “put the boots” to them.
A few days into the voyage, Harold invited Sparks to his room and poured him some of “Nelson’s Blood.” The 90-proof rum brought out the braggart in Sparks who said, “I’m the best Goddamn man on this ship” – for no apparent reason. Harold stood up for his crew and told Sparks he should get to know them before claiming to be the best. After a few exchanges, Sparks repeated his boast and added, “… and I’ll show you,” followed by a right haymaker, which hit Harold on his left cheek.
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Harold remarked how an amazing multitude of calculations and conclusions can flash through the mind in a second or two. There was only three feet between his bunk and the settee – no room to move. Harold doubted he could win against burly Sparks anyway. His only hope was space. Long before Mohammed Ali he had developed his own “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” strategy – though not as classy. Harold calculated he could not give away 25 pounds in a confined space, be beaten, and then stomped.
“He who loses and runs away must win the fight another way,” recited Harold to himself. He calmed Sparks down and got him out of his room.
Many occupations require or develop a sixth sense. Boxing is one. Is the opponent tired? Can he reach me with his left? Harold noted that the braggart kept to his room even with a moderate blow. He sensed Sparks was secretly a seasick landlubber.
A remarkable amount of electrical trouble followed on Harold’s watches in the engine room, especially if the ship was really rolling. Ammeters – used to measure the electric current in a circuit – danced peculiarly, circulation pump motors malfunctioned, and other mysteries presented themselves, especially nearing the end of Harold’s watch at midnight.
Sparks had to appear in the engine room with test meters to find the trouble. Harold always tried to be eating a pork sandwich or have a little bacon grease on his chin as he showed him the “trouble.” Sparks looked green. His hands shook as he tried to test the motors. He favoured one corner of the engine room to throw up in the bilge.
Sparks signed off at the end of the voyage. As he was leaving, he sent a sailor to fetch Harold. “I felt a little uneasy approaching Sparks but did take some comfort in the wide-open spaces of the dock.” Sparks extended his hand warmly and said, “Now I know who’s the best Goddam man on this ship.”
“This time,” thought Harold, “I won’t question his wisdom.”
Allan Bonner was the first North American to be awarded an MSc in Risk, Crisis, and Disaster Management. He trained in England and has worked in the field on five continents for 35 years. His latest book is Emergency! – a monograph with 13 other authors on the many crises that occurred during the pandemic.
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